Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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