I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
