woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
