You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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