After last night, I could never be a politician.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
