im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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