Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
