we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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