No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
