If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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