my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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