If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize