I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
