Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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