I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
