so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
