My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
