i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
