And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
