she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
