I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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