thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
