you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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