I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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