Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize