Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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