Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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