Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
