zippers are such a cool invention
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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