First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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