i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize