I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
