new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
