Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
