i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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