why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
