I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
