she was so not down for the gang bang
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
