And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
