Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
