Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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