wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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