There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
