Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize