I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I touched a dick in church today
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
