I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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