i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i believe in u and ur pee
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
