EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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