if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The power of my boobs compel you
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
