you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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