i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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