FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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