god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
