i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
