she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
