Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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