Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
