it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
