craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
