I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
