Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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