wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
