come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
