There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i drank out of a bidet.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
