What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
