I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
