Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
