I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
