after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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