His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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