this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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