You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
