She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sext me about skeletons
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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