the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
