my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
