the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
