have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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