Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
