There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
