Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Still dying that you shit outside
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
