speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
