I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
