he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Terrible idea I love it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
