I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize