I am spending my child support on dildos
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
