I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
