Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
