Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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