did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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