you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
