Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
