im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
