please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
