I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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