New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I AM VODKA MAN
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
