You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it was like eating out sand paper
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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