My sheets look like a crime scene.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
