He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
