I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
