oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize