Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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