Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
