my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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