Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
