The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize