which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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