a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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