We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
