The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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