hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
