Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize