dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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