i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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