ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
