it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
