yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
