i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
