Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
