Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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