I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
