Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
