I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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